(Helpful reminders about my family that are relevant to this post: My household consists of myself, my husband, my partner, and our five kids. Husband works from home. Partner has Chronic Lyme.)
Yesterday was a bad day. My great uncle died of cancer. My family cannot have a funeral for him, because of the global pandemic. I was informed of his death in the afternoon, while Husband was at the grocery store and Partner was sick in bed. I tried to continue to parent while having phone calls with various members of my family.
It was difficult to think straight. It was difficult to remember what I ought to be doing. At 5pm, one of the kids asked, "What's for dinner?" I responded, "Oh shit." I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be making egg rolls from the cabbage in the garden, which is a long process that I should have started an hour earlier. It felt easier to me to carry on with the original plan and have an incredibly late dinner than to try to take inventory of what was currently in our pantry and choose something that would be quicker to cook.
So that's what happened. Dinner was too hard, and the kids were too loud, and everything was too much. Dinner was late, and bedtime was late, and I was exhausted. Then I woke Partner up and told him about my family tragedy and cried. Then I had tea on the front porch with Husband and cried some more. My heart ached especially for my grandfather who lost his brother and cannot properly say goodbye.
On bad days I am angry about illness and mortality. I am angry about having to solo parent when I am miserable and unable to be the kind of parent I want to be. I am angry that I love anyone at all, because everyone I love will inevitably hurt at some point, and then I will hurt with them.
But today was a perfect day. It went like this:
7am - The kids ate bananas and played quietly while I slept. Miss 7 stayed in bed reading a book.
8am - I made oatmeal for the kids, and Partner got out of bed on his own!
9am - The kids did workbook work and wrote letters to their friends.
10am - The kids played outside while I picked kale from the garden and made kale chips.
Noon - A Fabulous Lunch! The kids loved the kale chips! Huzzah!
1pm - I took a walk with four of the kids to bring arugula from the garden to the home of a nurse friend who lives in the neighborhood. Mr. 6 stayed home with Partner to work on an elaborate project. Project time is his absolute favorite time. Today's project was a pretend microwave. Mr. 6 even got to use a drill!
2pm - Reading time! Miss 7 read the last 14 pages of Diary of a Wimpy Kid to me. She was very proud to finish it. Mr. 6 and the twins (age 5) each read simpler books, but still displayed a lot of tenacity when words were tricky for them. Precious little Miss 4 "read" a book that she has memorized and then worked with me on letter recognition. When the kids were not reading with me, they were working on puzzles on the floor or listening to the stories their siblings were reading (or continuing to build a pretend microwave).
3pm - More outside time!
4pm - Clean up with minimal arguing from the kids, because I gave them goldfish crackers as they worked!
Now the kids are having screen time, and the dads are cooking dinner while I'm sitting in my bright bedroom writing this post. I'm so grateful, but I'm also still so angry.
On the good days I am angry that not everyone has what my family has.
We have fresh greens from the garden in our yard. We have fresh bread that Husband makes daily. My kids have an abundance of resources at their disposal for educational purposes and creative purposes and just plain play. My kids had three adults to go to for support today. Mr. 6 was able to stay home and work on his project all afternoon because Partner felt good enough to be a helpful parent today. When one of the twins got hurt during the walk, he wanted Husband to wash and bandage the the scrape, and that was able to happen while I was reading with Miss 7. I had two other adults that I could lean on for support when I needed a break!
Everyone deserves the good days. Everyone deserves a stable income and a plethora of resources and a support system. Everyone deserves good food and good books and good snuggles. Especially during a crisis.
But not everyone has these things. There are refugees stuck in ICE detention centers. There are children in juvenile detention centers. There are people locked in overcrowded jails and prisons. There are millions of people suddenly out of work. There are parents who have been cut off from their support systems and are trying to care for their children during this crisis on their own. There are medical professionals who are being denied proper protective equipment by hospital administrators. I could go on and on.
So it's been an absolutely perfect day, and I'm still angry. This crisis is showing us how many of our systems are broken. Let's not forget what we have learned during the global pandemic. Stay angry, friends.
Yesterday was a bad day. My great uncle died of cancer. My family cannot have a funeral for him, because of the global pandemic. I was informed of his death in the afternoon, while Husband was at the grocery store and Partner was sick in bed. I tried to continue to parent while having phone calls with various members of my family.
It was difficult to think straight. It was difficult to remember what I ought to be doing. At 5pm, one of the kids asked, "What's for dinner?" I responded, "Oh shit." I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to be making egg rolls from the cabbage in the garden, which is a long process that I should have started an hour earlier. It felt easier to me to carry on with the original plan and have an incredibly late dinner than to try to take inventory of what was currently in our pantry and choose something that would be quicker to cook.
So that's what happened. Dinner was too hard, and the kids were too loud, and everything was too much. Dinner was late, and bedtime was late, and I was exhausted. Then I woke Partner up and told him about my family tragedy and cried. Then I had tea on the front porch with Husband and cried some more. My heart ached especially for my grandfather who lost his brother and cannot properly say goodbye.
On bad days I am angry about illness and mortality. I am angry about having to solo parent when I am miserable and unable to be the kind of parent I want to be. I am angry that I love anyone at all, because everyone I love will inevitably hurt at some point, and then I will hurt with them.
But today was a perfect day. It went like this:
7am - The kids ate bananas and played quietly while I slept. Miss 7 stayed in bed reading a book.
8am - I made oatmeal for the kids, and Partner got out of bed on his own!
9am - The kids did workbook work and wrote letters to their friends.
10am - The kids played outside while I picked kale from the garden and made kale chips.
Noon - A Fabulous Lunch! The kids loved the kale chips! Huzzah!
1pm - I took a walk with four of the kids to bring arugula from the garden to the home of a nurse friend who lives in the neighborhood. Mr. 6 stayed home with Partner to work on an elaborate project. Project time is his absolute favorite time. Today's project was a pretend microwave. Mr. 6 even got to use a drill!
2pm - Reading time! Miss 7 read the last 14 pages of Diary of a Wimpy Kid to me. She was very proud to finish it. Mr. 6 and the twins (age 5) each read simpler books, but still displayed a lot of tenacity when words were tricky for them. Precious little Miss 4 "read" a book that she has memorized and then worked with me on letter recognition. When the kids were not reading with me, they were working on puzzles on the floor or listening to the stories their siblings were reading (or continuing to build a pretend microwave).
3pm - More outside time!
4pm - Clean up with minimal arguing from the kids, because I gave them goldfish crackers as they worked!
Now the kids are having screen time, and the dads are cooking dinner while I'm sitting in my bright bedroom writing this post. I'm so grateful, but I'm also still so angry.
On the good days I am angry that not everyone has what my family has.
We have fresh greens from the garden in our yard. We have fresh bread that Husband makes daily. My kids have an abundance of resources at their disposal for educational purposes and creative purposes and just plain play. My kids had three adults to go to for support today. Mr. 6 was able to stay home and work on his project all afternoon because Partner felt good enough to be a helpful parent today. When one of the twins got hurt during the walk, he wanted Husband to wash and bandage the the scrape, and that was able to happen while I was reading with Miss 7. I had two other adults that I could lean on for support when I needed a break!
Everyone deserves the good days. Everyone deserves a stable income and a plethora of resources and a support system. Everyone deserves good food and good books and good snuggles. Especially during a crisis.
But not everyone has these things. There are refugees stuck in ICE detention centers. There are children in juvenile detention centers. There are people locked in overcrowded jails and prisons. There are millions of people suddenly out of work. There are parents who have been cut off from their support systems and are trying to care for their children during this crisis on their own. There are medical professionals who are being denied proper protective equipment by hospital administrators. I could go on and on.
So it's been an absolutely perfect day, and I'm still angry. This crisis is showing us how many of our systems are broken. Let's not forget what we have learned during the global pandemic. Stay angry, friends.
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