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One Of My Favorite Creators is Abusive

 I grew up on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I regularly rewatch it. I'm part of a Buffy fan group on Facebook. I went as a Slayer for Halloween multiple times. I've fan-girled about cast members at cons. I've even asked my family to play music from Buffy at my funeral. 

News of Joss Whedon's abusive behavior is not surprising, but it's still heartbreaking. Many fans have been expressing a sentiment similar to this:

Joss Whedon's shows helped me become the kind of person who would not tolerate Joss Whedon's abusive behavior. 

I'm not going to say anything more profound than anyone else has been saying. Buffy was monumental for femme empowerment and queer representation. It wasn't a perfect show, but it holds a significant place in pop-culture history. Many people much smarter than me are writing about this. 

But I need to be clear about where I stand on this. He's one of my favorite creators, and he's chosen cruelty over and over again. I have to reckon with this. 

I'm not quick to cancel people. I was lucky to have never read Harry Potter, to not have an emotional stake in that controversy. But I had planned to read those books with my kids when they got a little older. I hoped that JKR would rescind her hateful words and try to make amends for the harm she'd done. I waited a while, talked to other fans, and read more about the content of the books. When it became clear that JKR was going to double down on her bigotry, I decided I would skip Harry Potter after all. 

I keep waiting for a response from Joss Whedon. I don't want to have to cancel him. I want him to apologize. I want him to go to each actor and writer and crew member he harmed and ask them personally how he can make it right. Amends should be individual. 

It would be understandable if some of the people he harmed never wanted him to work in a position of power ever again. I hope Joss Whedon and everyone who was looking to him for future projects are seriously weighing this. 

If Joss Whedon doesn't do everything he can to try to make amends, then he must be canceled. Abusive behavior needs consequences. Abusive behavior must not be tolerated. 

I say this as a survivor. I say this as a prison abolitionist. I want restorative justice. I want my abusers to apologize to me. I want them to join with me in working to end abuse. I want them to choose peace instead of cruelty. 

I teach my children that "I'm sorry" is not enough. We also say, "How can I help?" I teach my children that actions speak loudest. That cruelty is never ok. I teach my children about consequences. 

I don't want to cancel Joss Whedon. I don't want to cancel one of my favorite creators. But I absolutely will. 


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