Disclaimer: I am an average sized, attractive white woman who can pass as heterosexual. My parents paid for my college education. The financial struggles I have faced have been caused by the American healthcare system (Husband having cancer and partner having Lyme) and my own bad choices (buying a house we shouldn't have and then selling it underwater). This is a blog post about money management written by an immensely privileged person. If you are a person who faces systemic discrimination every day and you just want to roll your eyes and keep scrolling, I totally get that. If, however, you are curious about how my family of eight stays afloat, or how three adults can share finances without fighting constantly, read on!
Pretty much the whole world is worried about money right now. If you're one of the lucky people who isn't worried about your own financial situation, you're still worried about your friends and loved ones who are struggling. You're still worried about strangers around the globe who can't work - artists and restaurant workers and store clerks, etc.
I was reading an email from the American Shakespeare Center about how they'll have to shut down, and my eldest daughter (age 7) caught me having feelings. She asked what was making me sad. I explained that I ached for the artists who couldn't work during the global pandemic. I said, "You noticed that I'm not working right now, right? Lot's of other people can't work right now either. How will they get money to buy food?" She immediately asked if we had enough money to buy food. I said, "Yes, we're very lucky, because Daddy can still work from home. We still have money." Then my sweet, compassionate child said, "Let's give some of our money to the artists."
I am giving some money to some artists, but I also wanted to give something to my non-artist friends. I wanted to offer to help them manage their money. Trying to get through this crisis without your finances in order has got to be so incredibly stressful. I'm here for you, and I'm more than willing to listen to you vent about it or help you strategize about your specific situation. Seriously. Hit me up. But my general advice for everyone boils down to two main things:
1. Track Your In vs. Out
Everyone hates this part. It sucks. It's tedious. It's difficult if you have a complicated system of expenses across multiple accounts. It's just not glamorous. Especially the first month, when you don't already have a good tracking system in place. It's awful. I know. Suck it up and do it anyway. Track your income and track your spending.
In our family, this is one of my tasks, because I actually enjoy it. (Gasp! Am I even human!?) Hear me out. I hated it at first. I used to fight with my husband and stare at my credit card statements and scream, "Where does all the money go?!" just like the rest of you. But then I figured my shit out, because I started tracking our finances with fervor. It got easier every month as I honed my system. Then it got legitimately fun.
Change the way you think about this task. Put on your scientist hat. Look at all of your financial data like a psychologist coming up with a behavior modification plan. (You can't change your behavior until you actually understand your behavior.) Or be an entrepreneur running your small business. Type up little monthly profit reports and send them to your partners. (Send them to me, too! I want to celebrate your success with you!)
Pair this grueling task with something you enjoy to make it more palatable. Listen to music or sip a delicious drink or light some candles, draw a bath, and have a hot date with your budget! It sounds silly, but positive reinforcement works, y'all. If I'm working with a client on tolerating a non-preferred activity, I follow it up with something highly preferred. If that's chocolate or video games, so be it! If your partner hates tracking their spending, and they finally start, think of a creative way (*wink*) to say, "Thank you" to them for doing the tedious, awful thing!
2. Maintain Wish Lists
This is how Husband, Partner, and I keep from fighting about finances. When we talk about money, we're not arguing; We're daydreaming. Or we're airing our frustrations about our current situations and compassionately listening to each other. We're discussing our values and deciding what to prioritize.
The past few years have not been easy for us. Husband's cancer bills are never ending, because expensive testing still happens at regular intervals when cancer is in remission. Then we went through eight months of visits with various doctors running various labs before we finally got Partner's Lyme diagnosis and were able to start paying for 6 months of treatment. He's currently having a Lyme relapse, and we are paying for treatment again.
Even during the difficult months when we were eating into our savings or taking out loans, I enjoyed talking about money with Husband and Partner. Our financial conversations are downright romantic. We're supporting each other. We're sharing burdens. Maybe last month we had to prioritize your CT scan, but next month we'll have to prioritize his blood work, and later we'll prioritize my dental work. We take turns.
We're lucky, because we value most of the same things. We value our health, obviously, and providing enriching opportunities for the kids, but we also value music and theater, so that's what we all agree to splurge on. We have a Spotify subscription, and we go to concerts and plays. I'm not going to tell you to stop eating out or going to Starbucks. I'm not going to tell you that your make-up or your manicure is a waste of money. You get to decide what matters to you. Maintaining a wish list will help you decide.
When we discuss what we're going to spend our money on this month, we look at our lists and advocate for what we value most. Partner values fair trade coffee. Husband and I don't really care about that, but we respect that it matters to Partner, so we buy fair trade coffee. Husband wants to retire early. His long term dream is to be a caregiver to his grandkids if/when we have some. Partner and I want Husband to be able to realize that dream, so we prioritize his retirement savings. Maybe this month my body has changed (again!), and none of my bras fit right anymore, and I want to spend a lot of money on a fancy, new one. The guys value my comfort and happiness.
Maybe I've never played an instrument before, but whatever, I've never wanted anything more than I want a ukulele! The guys are like, "Uh, ok I guess," and Huzzah! I have a ukulele!
My ukulele's name is Riley, and Riley is my very best friend.
Anyway- even if you are single, I recommend maintaining a wish list that you can refer to when you're deciding how to spend your money. You can remind yourself that you'd rather be debt-free than splurge on sushi. Or maybe you'd rather support your local restaurants than buy that new video game. Or maybe the new video game would bring you a lot of enjoyment, and your busted up shoes can make it one more month.
You get the gist.
Here are some questions to help you start your own wish lists:
What do you want your retirement to look like?
What kind of home do you want to create?
What kinds of experiences do you want to have?
What kinds of experiences do you want the kids to have?
How do you want to help your community?
How do you want to be a better citizen of the world?
What nourishes you? What comforts you? What moves you?
What would make your day-to-day life easier?
If you'd like to read another blog about money, I recommend Mr. Money Mustache. If you appreciate this post, leave me a tip at Paypal.me/RachelLynnMcGuire or on venmo @Rachel-Lynn-McGuire
Pretty much the whole world is worried about money right now. If you're one of the lucky people who isn't worried about your own financial situation, you're still worried about your friends and loved ones who are struggling. You're still worried about strangers around the globe who can't work - artists and restaurant workers and store clerks, etc.
I was reading an email from the American Shakespeare Center about how they'll have to shut down, and my eldest daughter (age 7) caught me having feelings. She asked what was making me sad. I explained that I ached for the artists who couldn't work during the global pandemic. I said, "You noticed that I'm not working right now, right? Lot's of other people can't work right now either. How will they get money to buy food?" She immediately asked if we had enough money to buy food. I said, "Yes, we're very lucky, because Daddy can still work from home. We still have money." Then my sweet, compassionate child said, "Let's give some of our money to the artists."
I am giving some money to some artists, but I also wanted to give something to my non-artist friends. I wanted to offer to help them manage their money. Trying to get through this crisis without your finances in order has got to be so incredibly stressful. I'm here for you, and I'm more than willing to listen to you vent about it or help you strategize about your specific situation. Seriously. Hit me up. But my general advice for everyone boils down to two main things:
1. Track Your In vs. Out
Everyone hates this part. It sucks. It's tedious. It's difficult if you have a complicated system of expenses across multiple accounts. It's just not glamorous. Especially the first month, when you don't already have a good tracking system in place. It's awful. I know. Suck it up and do it anyway. Track your income and track your spending.
In our family, this is one of my tasks, because I actually enjoy it. (Gasp! Am I even human!?) Hear me out. I hated it at first. I used to fight with my husband and stare at my credit card statements and scream, "Where does all the money go?!" just like the rest of you. But then I figured my shit out, because I started tracking our finances with fervor. It got easier every month as I honed my system. Then it got legitimately fun.
Change the way you think about this task. Put on your scientist hat. Look at all of your financial data like a psychologist coming up with a behavior modification plan. (You can't change your behavior until you actually understand your behavior.) Or be an entrepreneur running your small business. Type up little monthly profit reports and send them to your partners. (Send them to me, too! I want to celebrate your success with you!)
Pair this grueling task with something you enjoy to make it more palatable. Listen to music or sip a delicious drink or light some candles, draw a bath, and have a hot date with your budget! It sounds silly, but positive reinforcement works, y'all. If I'm working with a client on tolerating a non-preferred activity, I follow it up with something highly preferred. If that's chocolate or video games, so be it! If your partner hates tracking their spending, and they finally start, think of a creative way (*wink*) to say, "Thank you" to them for doing the tedious, awful thing!
2. Maintain Wish Lists
This is how Husband, Partner, and I keep from fighting about finances. When we talk about money, we're not arguing; We're daydreaming. Or we're airing our frustrations about our current situations and compassionately listening to each other. We're discussing our values and deciding what to prioritize.
The past few years have not been easy for us. Husband's cancer bills are never ending, because expensive testing still happens at regular intervals when cancer is in remission. Then we went through eight months of visits with various doctors running various labs before we finally got Partner's Lyme diagnosis and were able to start paying for 6 months of treatment. He's currently having a Lyme relapse, and we are paying for treatment again.
Even during the difficult months when we were eating into our savings or taking out loans, I enjoyed talking about money with Husband and Partner. Our financial conversations are downright romantic. We're supporting each other. We're sharing burdens. Maybe last month we had to prioritize your CT scan, but next month we'll have to prioritize his blood work, and later we'll prioritize my dental work. We take turns.
We're lucky, because we value most of the same things. We value our health, obviously, and providing enriching opportunities for the kids, but we also value music and theater, so that's what we all agree to splurge on. We have a Spotify subscription, and we go to concerts and plays. I'm not going to tell you to stop eating out or going to Starbucks. I'm not going to tell you that your make-up or your manicure is a waste of money. You get to decide what matters to you. Maintaining a wish list will help you decide.
When we discuss what we're going to spend our money on this month, we look at our lists and advocate for what we value most. Partner values fair trade coffee. Husband and I don't really care about that, but we respect that it matters to Partner, so we buy fair trade coffee. Husband wants to retire early. His long term dream is to be a caregiver to his grandkids if/when we have some. Partner and I want Husband to be able to realize that dream, so we prioritize his retirement savings. Maybe this month my body has changed (again!), and none of my bras fit right anymore, and I want to spend a lot of money on a fancy, new one. The guys value my comfort and happiness.
Maybe I've never played an instrument before, but whatever, I've never wanted anything more than I want a ukulele! The guys are like, "Uh, ok I guess," and Huzzah! I have a ukulele!
My ukulele's name is Riley, and Riley is my very best friend.
Anyway- even if you are single, I recommend maintaining a wish list that you can refer to when you're deciding how to spend your money. You can remind yourself that you'd rather be debt-free than splurge on sushi. Or maybe you'd rather support your local restaurants than buy that new video game. Or maybe the new video game would bring you a lot of enjoyment, and your busted up shoes can make it one more month.
You get the gist.
Here are some questions to help you start your own wish lists:
What do you want your retirement to look like?
What kind of home do you want to create?
What kinds of experiences do you want to have?
What kinds of experiences do you want the kids to have?
How do you want to help your community?
How do you want to be a better citizen of the world?
What nourishes you? What comforts you? What moves you?
What would make your day-to-day life easier?
If you'd like to read another blog about money, I recommend Mr. Money Mustache. If you appreciate this post, leave me a tip at Paypal.me/RachelLynnMcGuire or on venmo @Rachel-Lynn-McGuire
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